The Best in Show Pet Ornament Competition
Welcome to the most prestigious pet ornament competition you’ve never heard of, held annually on a Christmas tree somewhere in Kentucky. The judges are impartial. The stakes are felt. Literally. Every competitor is handstitched in wool felt by a single human with a border collie supervising. Intensely.
Today’s competition will proceed in the traditional format: dogs first, because they actually follow the rules, followed by cats, who were not technically invited but showed up anyway and refuse to leave. A final Best in Show award will be presented at the conclusion of the competition.
Refreshments will not be served. The raccoon got into them last night.
Let’s get started.
THE DOG RING
The following competitors have been groomed, evaluated, and deemed show-ready. Results reflect the judges’ expert and entirely objective opinions.
The Border Collie
The overachiever of the dog world has entered the ring and is already trying to herd the other ornaments into a tighter formation. Widely regarded as the most intelligent breed on the planet, the border collie will learn your daily routine, anticipate your next move, and judge you quietly when you deviate. This one is available in three colorways because three is the minimum number required to form a proper flock, and a border collie without something to organize is a border collie with a problem.
The judge’s assessment: Flawless form, tireless work ethic, mildly unsettling eye contact. Top marks.
Meet the Border Collie →
The Doodle
The doodle has arrived, and it has brought its personality. Part poodle, part golden retriever, part living teddy bear, the doodle is the dog that strangers cross the street to pet and then ask you seventeen questions about. “Is that a labradoodle or a goldendoodle?” “How often do you have to groom him?” “Can I take him home with me?” Available in Red and Apricot colorways, because doodles refuse to be anything less than warm-toned and approachable.
The judge’s assessment: Excellent temperament, questionable awareness of personal space, and hair that costs more to maintain than most humans.
Meet the Doodle →
The Wiener Dog
The dachshund, or as most of the world knows it, the wiener dog, has entered the competition with all four inches of ground clearance it can muster. Originally bred to hunt badgers in their burrows, this dog brings a level of stubbornness that far exceeds its height. What it lacks in leg length it makes up for in sheer audacity. This is also the only ornament in the entire collection that requires two sides to fit one dog. Flip it over, and you’ll find the rest of him. He’s just that long. Available in Red and Black, because even a low-rider deserves options.
The judge’s assessment: Structurally questionable, impressively continuous. Carries itself with the confidence of a dog three times its size, which in terms of length, it very nearly is.
Meet the Wiener Dog →
The Dog Walk
And now we have not just a dog, but an entire scene: the daily dog walk, immortalized in wool felt. Every dog owner knows this ritual: the leash, the route, the moment your dog decides that this particular fire hydrant requires a seventeen-minute investigation. Available in three colors so you can match it to your actual dog, or at least get close enough to spark the conversation “that looks just like your dog!” at every holiday gathering.
The judge’s assessment: Best use of narrative in an ornament.
Meet the Dog Walk →
The Frenchie Sploot
NEW ENTRY. The French bulldog has entered the competition, and it has immediately laid down. The “sploot”, that glorious pose where a Frenchie flattens out with both back legs extended behind it like a tiny, snoring bearskin rug, has finally been captured in wool felt form. This is the ornament for people who know what a sploot is and have approximately 500 photos of their dog doing it. Available in three colorways because Frenchie people are very specific about their Frenchie’s color (and rightfully so).
The judge’s assessment: Has not moved since arriving. Appears to be napping. Still wins on charm alone.
Coming Fall 2026
THE CAT RING
A reminder to attendees: the cats were not formally entered in this competition. They showed up of their own accord, ignored the registration desk entirely, and have arranged themselves haphazardly around the ring as if they own it. The judges have elected to evaluate them rather than attempt removal (a smart move).
The Happy Tail Cat
First to saunter into the ring is the Happy Tail Cat. Tail up, spirits high, radiating the quiet confidence of an animal that knows the entire household revolves around it. This is the cat that greets you at the door — not because it missed you, but because dinner is four minutes late and someone needs to be held accountable (shame on you). Available in three colors, all equally self-assured.
The judge’s assessment: Poised. Pleasant. Almost certainly plotting something.
Meet the Happy Tail Cat →
The Jolly Black Cat
A single black cat has entered independently, without variant and without apology. In this instance, Jolly Cat seems a bit of an oxymoron. Forced into a holiday sweater by a well-meaning owner, his face says everything his meow cannot. He is not jolly. He is enduring. He is tolerating this for reasons that remain unclear to him, and he would like you to know that someone will pay for this later.
The judge’s assessment: Singular. Unapologetic. Radiating a quiet fury that somehow only makes him even more lovable.
Meet the Jolly Black Cat →
The Cat & Mouse
Things have taken a dramatic turn. The Cat & Mouse ornament captures the eternal pursuit — a cat, a mouse, and the unspoken agreement between them that this chase will never actually resolve. The cat knows where the mouse is. The mouse knows the cat knows. And yet, the game continues, because what else would either of them do with their afternoon? Available in orange and gray, both equally committed to the bit.
The judge’s assessment: Best dramatic performance. Excellent tension. Neither party appears willing to break character.
Meet the Cat & Mouse →
The Peeking Cat
A calico cat has been spotted peeking from around the corner, harboring the expression of a cat who is absolutely about to do something it shouldn’t. The Peeking Cat captures that exact moment between curiosity and chaos, the half-second before something gets knocked off a counter, a glass gets tipped over, or a Christmas tree ornament gets batted to the floor. Ironic, really, given that she is the ornament.
The judge’s assessment: Masterful use of suspense. Points deducted for being a clear and present danger to the other ornaments.
Meet the Peeking Cat →
The Cat Butt
And finally, the moment the audience has been waiting for, even if they didn’t know it. The Cat Butt ornament. Double-sided, because commitment to realism matters. This is the view every cat owner knows intimately — the one your cat presents to you before sitting on your laptop, while standing on your pillow, or when positioned directly in front of the television during the most important scene. Forget being able to read the closed captioning.
It’s not rude. It’s a compliment. Cats only show you their backside when they trust you completely. At least, that’s what they’d like you to believe. Available in four colors, because every cat butt is unique and deserves to be represented.
The judge’s assessment: Unprecedented. Bold. A conversation starter of the highest order.
Meet the Cat Butt →
After careful deliberation, heated debate, and one judge being knocked off the table by an unnamed calico, the judges have reached a decision.
Best in Show: The Cat Butt
The dogs were magnificent. The cats were uninvited but undeniable. But in the end, only one ornament had the sheer audacity to exist, and the cultural significance to become the ornament people didn’t know they needed until they saw it. It is the ornament that says: “I love my cat, I understand my cat, and I have made peace with this view.”
The Cat Butt accepts this award facing away from the audience, naturally.
The show is over, but the collection is always open. Every ornament in this competition is handstitched in wool felt — drawn, cut, and sewn by one person in Paris, Kentucky, with more patience than probably is advisable. New breeds and new additions arrive regularly, so if your pet didn’t make the roster this year, there’s always next season.
And because even show dogs appreciate a deal: two or more ornaments ship free.